My 12/12 Carolina Beach pickup yielded 223 cigarette butts, a dozen straws, a plastic starfish mold (belonging to Tillery), and a condom wrapper (made in India). Never mind the comparison of litter from games we play, I simply have this message to the wearer of the latex guardian:
Dear Mr. Condom-wearing litterbug,
Thank you for making an effort to stunt the growth of your littering family tree. I certainly hope that your cheap PleasureMart condom did its job and that you enjoyed the 16 cigarettes that were nestled around your silver badge of manhood.
I’m certain the dolphins thought you were a majestic sight, amazed by your stamina and tender expressions of love, until they choked on the debris from this romantic interlude.
So, know that you’ve made a lasting impression, possibly for the next three to five decades. What would we do without you?
Sincerely,
The person who picks up your disgusting garbage while trying not to vomit.
The dolphins were laughing…